Why You Should Have a Small Circle of Friends
In our world, quantity does not necessarily translate into quality, which is true of most things in our lives, including our friend groups. I argue that a smaller circle of friends equals stronger bonds, more quality relationships, and less wasted time. Tony Robbins once famously spoke about the importance our friend group has over our lives:
"People's lives are a direct reflection of the expectations of their peer group. If your peer group doesn't expect much, it's just a matter of time before you lower your expectations of yourself."
Now we know the importance of picking the right friends because of their influence over our lives, but let's now define what a real friend is:
Someone you've spent time with
Someone you've bonded with
Someone you've seen the good, bad, and ugly side of
Someone you can rely on in your moment of need
We often learn who our real friends are when we experience a rough time in life. When you aim to have a large friend group or network - both online and off - you end up with many superficial acquaintances instead of genuine friendships. Social Media gives everyone the illusion that we have many more friends than we do when most or all of these "friends" are not real friends and would not help us if needed.
Studies show that the traits of a real friend are:
Caring
Respect
Understanding
Helpfulness
Integrity
Honesty
Society tells us that we should aim for popularity and have many friends and an extensive social network, but there are benefits of having fewer friends:
You'll experience a lot less drama. Big groups of friends can create a lot of drama due to constant miscommunications.
You'll have the time to spend alone and experience more personal growth. People assume they must always surround themselves with people, which is untrue. Mastering your time alone is fulfilling and allows you to love yourself more and figure out your passions.
You'll become a better friend by valuing genuine connections. You'll appreciate your life and your friends more.
You'll create an open and honest environment with the real friends you have. Having a smaller friend group can create an atmosphere of trust for you to be honest with each other.
You'll have the opportunity to invest your time wisely in the few chosen friends with whom you can grow and evolve together.
You'll gain more independence without wasting your time on the wrong friends. Only through time alone can you gain the confidence to stand alone and do things yourself.
You'll become more fulfilled and less drained by people outside your friend group you don't need to spend time with because they don't align with your goals or values.
Think of it this way: By having a smaller circle of friends, you can pick the group of people you admire and respect most and with whom you share common beliefs and values. These people will set the tone for the foundation for your more extensive network filled with people who provide value to one another. Seeking and nurturing relationships with certain good, intelligent people - not everyone - will help you become a better version of yourself. Becoming unsparingly selective with your circle of friends is recommended. The goal is to build mutually beneficial long-term relationships where each of you adds value to one another.
How to create a small circle of friends:
Step 1:
Make a plan to lessen your time with people and activities that make uninspiring demands on you until you can entirely withdraw from them.
Step 2:
Assess your weekly habits and activities. What was worth your time, and what wasn't? What would you like to invest more time in? If you spend time on activities or people that do not align with your most deeply held values, eliminate them.
Step 3:
Assess others. What types of people would you like to spend time with, and who would you cut out entirely?
This approach seems ruthless, but look at it this way - your time is your most precious asset. Be prudent about who and what you spend your time on because you'll never get that time back. Remember what Tony Robbins said about your peer group. Bigger is not always better, especially regarding your trusted and influential circle of friends.
